Honestly I haven't had anything big to update about in these past few days so I kind of saved it up for one big post. I've been really busy and I haven't posted anything new this past 3 weeks because some things came up. I've been losing a lot of sleep and some weight from being so stressed and not being able to control my anxiety. My countdown is now at 13 days and my saving are sitting at $1,800.
Been going on morning walks just to clear my head, but I end up
thinking too much and getting anxious and stressed out. Sigh.
The reason I've been so busy is because there is a bit of a scare that I won't be able to go on the scholarship program. There's a chance my mom and sister won't be able to keep paying for the house if I left them for 9 months. I've been doing some refinancing on the house so that the monthly payments will be smaller and I won't have to worry about my family losing the house while I'm away. The thing is, I'm going to have to put a down payment on the refinance out of my savings and I'm not sure how much it's going to be. I won't know exactly how much I'll still have saved if I go to Korea but it won't be more than $1000. It's kind of sad to think that I got this job to save for Korea but most of it has gone into paying the mortgage and bills. The paperwork process has been very tiresome and has been taking it's toll on me. Waking up early, spending 2 hours in traffic, doing paperwork for 5 hours, and going home to get ready for work is really tiring, but even when I get home from work I still can't sleep. Even after all this, nothing is guaranteed.
I hate this place already.
I put in my two weeks notice at work and I feel a little sad to be leaving, but I also let them know that there's a chance I might be staying if things don't work out with the house. I've started falling into the rhythm of it and work comes naturally to me now so I can handle rough situations without being stressed and actually sort things out myself. This job has been so rewarding to me during the past 6 months, both financially and personally. I have learned how to open up and be much more outgoing and confident in myself and my ability. The money I make is more than other people make from doing way more work. I admit it's not an easy job by any means, but I definitely have to thank management for making it such a successful location. In the restaurant industry, your money depends on how busy it is and how much people like their experience and the management has done a great job of selecting a great staff. A lot of people have left including our managing partner, three servers, a bartender, and soon to be three hosts within two weeks. The feeling of everyone moving on is bitter-sweet, but it's so encouraging to watch everyone branch out. At least if I stay, I can move up to serving.
In reality, I'll probably miss the food the most heh heh.
I've been packing over the last week when I'm stressed out and can't sleep so that I can at least feel productive. One of my fears is that I'll end up packing for nothing and have to spend even more time unpacking everything, but I'd rather be prepared to leave if everything works out. My first suitcase is full of winter clothes (sweaters, jackets, scarves, gloves, hats) and the other duffel bag is t-shirts, jeans, socks, underwear, and basketball shorts. I've had to shift things around because the suitcase was too heavy and the duffel wasn't heavy enough. On top of that, I haven't even packed toiletries or miscellaneous items like books, shoes, wires, hair products, etc. I moved some things to my carry-on duffel, but I'm still worried haha. I guess I'll keep the books inside my backpack or something but I won't be able to finish packing until I leave. I can't believe it's only 2 more weeks! A lot of people keep telling me not to pack too much and to just buy things in Korea, but I honestly won't have enough money to buy a lot of clothes and things.
Sometimes, packing seems a bit counterproductive...
I sold my camera for $275 but now I'm a little bit sad not having one... I was debating upgrading to a Canon Rebel T4i for around $600, but I'm scared that I'll need that money if I go to Korea. On the other hand, photography would be a great hobby if I'm in Korea and I wouldn't need to pay to take pictures like I would for anything else, right? On the other hand, I feel bad complaining about money and having a $600 camera. Hm... Decisions, decisions. If I can find a sale or a good seller on Craigslist, then I'll upgrade for sure before I leave. I also bought a Polaroid Mini InstaX 8 back in April and I have 115 films saved up just for Korea (I used 5 on the last day of school).
I kind of hate the flash because I look like
a deer in the headlights but oh well.
6am walks with my friends from Adventure Time.
Now Playing: Do You Love Me by 2NE1
To live an extraordinary life, you have to take extraordinary risks, right? Follow your heart - be wild, take chances. I've come to a situation in my life which features uncertainty, as well, though I've learned it's always best to push forward, even when what's next is unclear, and that the struggle along that uncertain path always is worth it. Tend to what is within your personal ability and gravitate towards saving more for that rainy day security; everything else will fall into place. Best of wishes to you; be strong. Poor in Korea's better anyway, right? (Likewise on those 6AM strolls with the AT crew and looping DYLM, too)
ReplyDelete- Kisoep